Wilton’s Zombies:

“Selectmen Brennan ! Take down those Barrels on Rt 7”

As spokesman for Wilton’s Official Organization of Zombie Youth ( WOOZY) we are taking a page from President Reagan and implore “Selectmen Brennan: Take down those barrels! “

We of WOOZY do not ask for much. We are not asking Willie Nelson to run benefit concerts. Nor do we have telemarketers asking you to subscribe to magazines for Zombie causes. But these barrels on RT 7 are causing zombie’s huge problems. We have enough trouble walking as it is and our eyesight has taken a severe hit from being dead for so long. Now we are faced with these orange barrels that baffle us as we try figure out which corridor we need to stumble and lurch through. It is very confusing to WOOZY members and many of us are frightened and embarrassed when we face these on obstacle course barrels on RT 7. As we can’t speak, asking directions is out of the question and ZOMBIE’s are getting very discouraged and taking the big “step” of moving on to more hospitable circumstances. Now I know the hard liners out there are taking the stance that this is Darwinian and that natural selection is merely taking its course on RT 7 and Zombies have no exemption from the laws of nature. “Man-Up” they say or suffer the pangs of evolution. But these same hard liners advocate saving habitats for Siberian Tigers and whales. So we counter that Rt. 7 has been part of our natural habit since before Ethan Allen and ought to be maintained to keep WOOZY off the endangered species list. Just last night a bunch of us were coming out of Orem’s (we are not all flesh eaters, some of us enjoy cheese omelets) and headed north up Rt. 7 and suddenly were confronted with orange barrels everywhere. What lane is ours? What direction are the cars coming at us ? Simply put we could not figure out where to go. Confused ,dazed and frustrated we gave up a night of marauding and trudged home. Several long time WOOZY’s have pondered going to Ridgefield -no barrels there. And here is where you mortals make an error in upsetting the balance of nature. Just like those islands that have flightless birds nesting habitats get wiped out when rats are introduced. when the Zombie’s leave, the gap opens up the window for more vampires. Now yes there exists a bit of vampire envy among WOOZY members. Vampires have that eternal life and good looks going for them while we have trouble with our complexions and the inconvenience of body parts likes arms and legs dropping off without notice but you mortals will regret more vampires moving in. If we all are forced to leave the next thing you know vampires will be at soccer games. vampires at swim meets , vampires at baseball games. No one can want that. With all these activities and no Zombie’s to counteract the vampires you may see a vampire infestation . For some vampires may seem ok—that is ,until they get a little hungry. So we ask you—keep the balance of nature intact and let Rt 7 be a barrel free zone as it has been for hundreds of years-the natural roaming zone for Zombie’s. The Zombie destiny is for a barrel free RT7 and as we all learned in our latin lassces way back in the day…. “Ducent volentem Fata, nolentem trahunt” or “Follow the fates, for they will drag you anyway”.